5 Horror Movie Grandpas You Wish You Could Call Your Own

by on December 5, 2012  •  In Articles

Grandpas!  Most people have, or have had them.  Depending on your family background he could be the most bad ass member of the family, or a creepy racist old fart, but most likely somewhere in between.  At dinner he will most likely make super inappropriate comments.  In the car, there is a good chance he will let a left cheek sneak and lock the windows.  Even with all of this, most people are lucky enough to love their gramps. They seem to be one member of the family most people get along with. They are also a character that seems to get little love in the horror world.  Probably because they are so likeable that it is hard to write them in when dealing with horrific subject matter. Who knows?  I am not here to pretend that Freud taught me why Grandpa is missing from horror. I am here to tell you about five grandpas I would be honored to have.

5. Grandpa Munster(The Munsters)

His name is actually Sam Dracula, but pretty much everyone knows him as “Grandpa.”  Arguably the most entertaining character on “The Munsters.”  He is old as shit and is always doing experiments. He also owns one of the most bad ass cars in the history of ever. His pets rule and his daughter is one of the most beautiful woman in horror(at least she was). He inspired Grandpa Fred from “Gremlins 2″ and is a face you never want to forget.

4. Grandpa(Silent Night, Deadly Night)

Sometimes a grandpa’s job is to tell the hard truth. This is definitely the case when it comes to Billy’s Grandpa. His dad just told him the happy stories about Santa. Well, grandpa doesn’t pussyfoot around. He wants Billy to understand that Santa will punish him for being a bad boy.  I am sure this has no impact on Billy growing up to massacre in a Santa suit. Sure the murder and rape of his parents by Santa may have added, but without grandpa’s speech of doom….Who knows? Just remember kids. You better run, for your life.

3. Grandpa(The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)(1974)

He doesn’t talk, half the time you don’t even know if he is alive. One thing is for sure. He is terrifying. His presence is always felt, even when he is just in the background. The image of him sucking blood from Marilyn Burns’ finger is forever imprinted in my brain.

2. Gramdpa( TerrorVision)

Crazy war vet that is there to help his family, the Puttermans when invaded by the coolest, slimiest, gooiest alien. He doesn’t like metal as much as the alien or O.D. but does love his weapons and cable. He takes the title as coolest, freakiest grandpa when he is involved in a five-way with his son and daughter in law  along with some other swingers.

1. Grandpa Seth(Troll II)

Oh Grandpa Seth, a role that Bruce Willis would rip off years later in “The Sixth Sense.” The most important difference being that Bruce Willis never slapped the shit out of a goblin to save that fat kids life.  Grandpa Seth reads Joshua all kinds of stories, and helps him take down the scariest veterinarians ever. Don’t piss on hospitality.

Well I am going to eat a bologna sandwich with my dead grandfather. Until next time.

Tromeric can be found sitting in a dark room watching Homeward Bound followed by A Serbian Film. He found a secret potion called the grog. It is similar to The Gummi Bears Gummibear Juice but instead of making him bounce from here to everywhere it gives him the ability to endure movies such as Blood Freak and The Room on a regular basis. When he drinks the grog he also has the ability to have more references that you don’t understand than Wikipedia. In the off chance he is taking a break from the grog you can find him drinking coffee from a cup with half of the Black Dahlia pictured on it eating Count Chocula and making lists about whether The Taint has a better soundtrack than Voyage of the Rock Aliens.


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