Dear Gay Community,
Despite rumors to the contrary I am not one of you. But I do support your basic rights as humans and do not judge you based on sexual preference. After all, some of my best ex-lovers were gay. But you’re trying to put together a huge ban on Chik-fil-a and I have a few things I think you need to hear about it.
1. What did you expect? The fact that Chick-fil-a was a Christian family run organization was never a secret. They have huge signs in almost every store saying that the reason they are not open on Sundays is so their employees can spend the day at church learning about Jesus. (as a footnote to this article, What’s YOUR favorite Jesus story? Feel free to leave it in the comments section! Mine is when Jesus ate the puzzle piece and The Man In The Yellow Hat had to take him to the hospital!) Anyway we all know that many Christians use certain sections of the bible for their belief structure while ignoring things like sacrificing your first born and not eating shellfish or pork.
2. Their food is delicious. I’m not sure if its the mix of bigotry/hate/and being based here in Georgia, but I’d kill you and ten motherfuckers that look just like you for free Chick-fil-a sammiches for life.
3. Protesting: You’re doing it wrong. You are asking gay people (and their supporters) to not go someplace where they don’t want gay people. That’s like trying to hurt the cause of segregation by threatening never to integrate. I think you should GO to Chick-fil-a…ALOT. Go with your lover. Hold hands in line. Make out in line. You know how people take their kids there at random for birthday parties without asking management? Do that…for a pre-sex in the city marathon party…with rainbow balloons EVERYWHERE. Go there and do this so often that they become known as a “gay hang out”. Sure the money goes to anti-gay initiatives….but right now the ban has given the bigots a safe haven…a place where they know they won’t be bothered by “the homos” which is what ownership CLEARLY wants anyway. GO THERE DAILY AND BE AS OPENLY GAY AS POSSIBLE….and then their only recourse is to attempt to refuse you service, which will finally put this issue in front of the courts as the civil rights issue it truly is.
And wouldn’t it be awesome if the reason gay marriage became legal was BECAUSE of the christian bigot asshole that owns Chick-fil-a?
Hi! I’m Chace Ambrose, and I’m a Goddamned Genius.
Latest posts by Chace Ambrose (see all)
- My Bathroom Series Part 8: “BUT WHERE DO I POO?!?!?!” - May 16, 2013
- The Evil Dead Cabin: Revisited - January 24, 2013
- Stephen King Movies I’d Like to See… But Won’t Because Hollywood will Just Remake Carrie Again - October 18, 2012